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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668027">Your Name Engraved Herein</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeunnieLove/pseuds/SeunnieLove'>SeunnieLove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>THIS IS -- ANGST (Oneshots Compilation) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Idiots in Love, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:54:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeunnieLove/pseuds/SeunnieLove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Didn’t he say, <em>“whoever believes in him shall have eternal life”</em></p>
  <p>Didn’t he say, <em>“ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and you shall find it. Knock and the door shall be opened”</em></p>
  <p>I’ve been knocking so hard, why doesn’t he hear it?</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p>I thought the world revolved around <em>us</em>.</p>
<p>How did I become an <em>outsider</em> all of a sudden?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>THIS IS -- ANGST (Oneshots Compilation) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Your Name Engraved Herein</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'm still crying, after watching the movie. It wasn't the best per se, but the ending is everything. Some people doesn't like. I think it's beautiful. Haysssssssss I can't get over it!</p>
<p>Aish tsk and so that's why I ended up writing this lmao. I still can't get over it! I can't!</p>
<p>Anyway, tell me your thoughts about this. I'll be happy to read your comments as always! 💚</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Didn’t he say, “whoever believes in him shall have eternal life”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Didn’t he say, “ask and it shall be given to you”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Seek and you shall find it”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Knock and the door shall be opened”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve been knocking so hard, why doesn’t he hear it?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I thought the world revolved around us.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How did I become an outsider all of a sudden?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How is he,” he asked.</p>
<p>Because what else can he ask aside from that?</p>
<p>The woman glanced at him for a moment, before turning back around.</p>
<p>“He takes care of the kids sometimes, when he doesn’t have to work”</p>
<p>He nodded, lighting another cigarette on his mouth. This habit…</p>
<p>
  <em>You should really cut that out.</em>
</p>
<p>He felt a small tug at the corner of his lip. Guess he had found it again.</p>
<p>Exhaling, he fixed his gaze up above the sky.</p>
<p>“…Why did you call me?”</p>
<p>He heard a frustrated sigh from his side.</p>
<p>He waited for her to respond.</p>
<p>Why is he even doing this to himself? Old feelings shall be buried down, never to be opened again. Didn’t they were told to let go of those that hurt them the most? Why does he keep coming back to this?</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>“I feel like I’m being unfair to him…”</p>
<p>“And to you”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Jinyoung didn’t look at her.</p>
<p>Really, what’s the point of all of this? After all those years, of pain and emptiness, you come back and tell me that what, you felt that you were being unfair, and decided to fix it all up? He almost wanted to laugh.</p>
<p>A bitter smile crawled up to his face.</p>
<p>It’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>“I want to tell you what really happened…eight years ago, before he left”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Ahhh. That day.</p>
<p>The day he desperately wanted to forget. Yet even after all the drinks and everything, it still clung to his heart like a goddamn disease, haunting him to exhaustion.</p>
<p>They say love shouldn’t be painful. Why doesn’t it heal when it’s broken?</p>
<p>Sighing, he closed his eyes.</p>
<p>He could still remember that day as clear as the night sky.</p>
<p>Exams were finally over, and it will only be a couple more weeks until graduation comes. The spirits were high that day, everyone was happy. Probably only a couple of others who are worrying about the results, or some other things, but generally the mood is better compared to the hell of last month.</p>
<p>Students clamor towards the hall, breezing in to the last few classes they had for the rest of the year. Everyone was chatting around, excitedly giving out plans about university, or the grandiose summer trip they were planning to run after getting out of that hell hole.</p>
<p>Walking in front of him was Jackson, who was humming a tune they’ve heard a few days ago. He couldn’t even remember the title of it. It was just a random song that played along on their way back, and Jackson caught it in his head. They were going up to the rooftop to have their lunch, when they heard the silent buzz of that annoying melody they play for announcements.</p>
<p>“Calling the attention of Wang Jackson from class 4-B, please proceed to the principal’s office. Again, calling the attention…”</p>
<p>He raised an eyebrow at Jackson in front of him, noticing his rigid posture.</p>
<p>“What did you do this time,” he asked.</p>
<p>Jackson didn’t respond. When he turned around, he tried to smile, but he knows he was faking it.</p>
<p>He grabbed his arm when he tried walking past him.</p>
<p>“Seunnah”</p>
<p>“Jinyoungie, principal-nim is waiting. Don’t worry about it, I didn’t do anything bad”</p>
<p>
  <em>Then why the fuck are you looking at me like that?</em>
</p>
<p>He stared at the bruises on his cheek.</p>
<p>“Does it have something to do with that,” he asked, pointing at the bruises.</p>
<p>Jackson looked away.</p>
<p>“Probably. That’s why it’s nothing to worry about. He’d probably just scold me again for it. You know him”</p>
<p>He let go of his arm and followed along. But midway through it, Jackson stopped.</p>
<p>“You know you can’t go inside, right? They won’t allow you”</p>
<p>Jackson’s back was still turned to him, but he can hear the dread from his voice. And he couldn’t understand where it’s coming from.</p>
<p>“I’ll wait for you outside”</p>
<p>He only heard a small chuckle in return, before Jackson turned around to face him. His eyes widened at the look on his face.</p>
<p>“Why…Why do you keep following me,” Jackson whispered.</p>
<p>He was confused.</p>
<p>“What do you mean,” he chuckled, eyebrows furrowing when he noticed his eyes turning a shade duller.</p>
<p>What he wanted to do back then was pull him to his chest and wipe that distraught look on his face.</p>
<p>“Stop following me”</p>
<p>He walked closer to him, but Jackson backed away.</p>
<p>“Just fucking stop, Jinyoung,” he snapped, glaring at him.</p>
<p>“What is wrong with you,” he spat back.</p>
<p>It’s not making any sense.</p>
<p>“Seun—“</p>
<p>“It’s disgusting”</p>
<p>He stopped, and stared disbelievingly at the figure in front of him.</p>
<p>“What is disgusting,” he asked, voice a silent whisper, as he waited for Jackson to raise his head to him.</p>
<p>“Look at me,” he says, when he got no answer in return.</p>
<p>“I said it’s disgusting”</p>
<p>Then he raised his head to him, face unbelievably blank.</p>
<p>“I was just trying it out. And I find it disgusting. I’m not gay”</p>
<p>He was so shocked that it took him a whole minute to digest what he was trying to say.</p>
<p>“So stop following me from now on. I don’t want to be branded as a fag”</p>
<p>That was the last thread for him. Clenching his fists, he grabbed him by his arm and pushed him towards an empty room. Then he shoved him to the wall and hissed.</p>
<p>“Don’t fuck with me. Do you think I’m stupid? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”</p>
<p>He was already shouting by then, while Jackson just kept staring at him with those blank eyes.</p>
<p>Sighing, he leaned his face on the crook of his neck.</p>
<p>“Tell me what’s wrong, <em>baobei</em>”</p>
<p>It didn’t take long until he felt himself being pushed away. But he held him tight. Only then did he notice the sobs coming out from Jackson’s mouth.</p>
<p>He held him tighter, rubbing his back.</p>
<p>“I—“</p>
<p>Another sob.</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve you”</p>
<p>Then he was back at pushing him backwards. Jinyoung held his arms this time.</p>
<p>“What the hell are you saying,” he asked.</p>
<p>He still couldn’t grasp where all this is coming from. But Jackson was just crying in front of him, not even looking at him in the eye. He cupped his cheek and made him look up at him. His heart clenched at the pain in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I—“</p>
<p>“I’m going to be a father soon”</p>
<p>He felt like everything stopped there and then, and all he hears was the same phrase over and over again, gnawing his head. He backed away in an instant, fingers threading through his hair as he digested what has just been said. He heard another sob, and his eyes immediately turned back to the figure in front of him.</p>
<p>He looked so broken. Yet for some reason, he couldn’t force himself to come over and hold him in his arms.</p>
<p>He didn’t know how long they were there. Or how long <em>he</em> was there, before he noticed that he was the only one left.</p>
<p>He had never thought that it was the last time he’d ever see <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes, and took another drag of cigarette to his mouth.</p>
<p>“Yeah, tell me”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>She took in his appearance. He looks so much older now, more mature, without the traces of young innocence lingering on his face. He grew up to be such a handsome young man. Successful young bachelor who had quickly paved his way to the top. She let out a small smile. She was glad he was able to reach his dreams.</p>
<p>But she also noticed some other things. Like how he was even more quiet now, or how his eyes had lost their shine over the years.</p>
<p>She could still remember the way he tensed up when she finally arrived, and the way his eyes had wandered behind her, searching—only to realize she was alone.</p>
<p>A bitter smile crossed her lips.</p>
<p>They were the same. Always the same.</p>
<p>All those years, she thought that he would <em>learn</em> to love her. She was confident about it. She made herself believe that all those years wouldn’t turn out in vain, and that eventually, he’d come to realize her worth.</p>
<p>It’s what happens to most people.</p>
<p>Not everyone ends up happy. But they can <em>learn</em> how to love. Like her mom and dad.</p>
<p>Back then, she was terrified.</p>
<p>When she realized she was pregnant, and that she doesn’t know who the father is, she knew she fucked up. She desperately tried looking for him, remembering his face, remembering what they did, where they did it. But with alcohol drenching her mind, she couldn’t remember anything.</p>
<p>Her life was falling apart. She stopped coming to school, stopped talking to anyone, afraid of being caught up.</p>
<p>She was desperately looking for anyone. Anyone who would help her, anyone who would understand her.</p>
<p>That’s when she thought about Jackson.</p>
<p>And Jackson was her friend. The only friend he can rely on. And Jackson was also there that night, at the party with everyone else.</p>
<p>It was her only chance.</p>
<p>With desperation, she fabricated everything. Even fabricated the papers, to make it seem like it was actually his child. But she’s not dumb. She knows that there’s still a great chance that Jackson would reject her. So with all courage, she took her last gamble, and made an appointment directly with his parents.</p>
<p>It was foolproof.</p>
<p>She watched everything from the very start.</p>
<p>She was there when he broke up with Jinyoung, and disappeared in everyone’s eyes. He immediately became the talk of the town.</p>
<p>
  <em>Do you know who this is?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I heard he was expelled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, someone told me he went overseas.</em>
</p>
<p>Of course, no one else knows what happened. It was deemed classified. Even the school board’s not aware of it. It was their tiny little secret.</p>
<p>And Jinyoung…</p>
<p>She watched him <em>fall</em> apart.</p>
<p>Looking everywhere for Jackson.</p>
<p>Getting mad at everyone.</p>
<p>Getting mad at <em>himself</em>.</p>
<p>She had never seen him like that.</p>
<p>He gets worse everyday.</p>
<p>He stopped attending classes, stopped talking to anyone.</p>
<p>It was like seeing <em>herself</em> all over again.</p>
<p>She could still remember what he asked him back then.</p>
<p>
  <em>Have you seen Jackson?</em>
</p>
<p>She told him no.</p>
<p>She thought people could learn how to love. The truth is, people can only learn how to <em>accept</em>, and to <em>let</em> <em>go</em>.</p>
<p>It wasn’t love.</p>
<p>It was letting go.</p>
<p>That’s what she realized when she told him the truth.</p>
<p>Jackson had known it all along—that he was not the father of her child.</p>
<p><em>“I’ve wanted to help you,” </em>he said.</p>
<p>She asked him why, because it was not the answer she was waiting for.</p>
<p>He smiled at him. And that’s when she realized, she had never seen him smile. Not even at that instance.</p>
<p>
  <em>“We were never destined in the first place”</em>
</p>
<p>It took her weeks to realize what he meant.</p>
<p>With Jackson having an extremely conservative background, and Jinyoung having a rigid military family on his back, it was really difficult for them. Jackson had probably long realized this by then. And he doesn’t want Jinyoung to choose between him and his own family.</p>
<p>So he forced himself to let go.</p>
<p>Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. Months turned to years. Yet she knows that only one person had remained in his heart.</p>
<p>It’s no coincidence that he named their first child ‘Jay’.</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but to be consumed by the guilt. And they would end up fighting, even from the smallest things.</p>
<p>In the end, she would mention Jinyoung, and he’ll stop.</p>
<p>It was meant to hurt him more.</p>
<p>After years of fighting, she was finally giving up.</p>
<p>She couldn’t take a heart that already belonged to someone else.</p>
<p>She took out a worn out letter from inside her bag. And with shaking hands, gave it to Jinyoung.</p>
<p>It was…from eight years ago.</p>
<p>She’ll do the right thing this time.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Jinyoung stared down at the piece of paper in his hands, heart heavy from too much emotion.</p>
<p>He knows that the office will close up soon, yet he couldn’t find the strength to move his limbs. That woman, Gian, had left long ago, leaving him gaping, choking from burried emotions.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes once again, before opening the letter once and for all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Jinyoung,</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Have you ever regretted meeting me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I think I regret meeting you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because not meeting me also means not hurting you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I didn’t want to hurt you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I didn’t want to see that look in your eyes. Ever again. But I ended up hurting you anyway.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But you see, this is alright. By doing this, I’ll only hurt you once. It will be alright. This is temporary, things will get better soon. One day, you’ll forget about me, forget about the pain, and we’ll reach our dreams. Didn’t you tell me once that you’d make it big someday? I’ll wait for that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, for leaving you like this. Maybe it was just me getting afraid of everything, of loving you. You know I’m not the sharpest tool out there. They say that when you’re young, you could do everything. It was easy to live, easy to love. Forget about everything, and just enjoy love. But when that love turns deeper, you suddenly find yourself unable to let go. You find yourself thinking of the future, thinking more about the other, rather than yourself. And it scares you, because you’re suddenly seeing things you have never seen before, thinking about things you have never thought of before. They drive you crazy, to the point of drowning.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I…wanted a future with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But I also want you to be happy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe you’re not getting my point now, but soon, hopefully you’ll understand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you mad at me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s okay. I think I deserve it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But please don’t ever think I didn’t love you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s silly, I know. To want something so bad.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If you hate me, I’d understand, so don’t blame yourself for anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s not your fault. It was my choice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You deserve someone better, someone more capable than me. Someone you’d be proud of.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You deserve to be happy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know you love kids. So maybe someday, when you finally find that someone, you could invite me to your wedding? I’d be there. Be your best man or something.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I just want you to be happy, even without me by your side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Until we meet again, </em>
  <b>
    <em>koi</em>
  </b>
  <em>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jackson</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jinyoung felt like laughing. He wanted to jump over that fence and stop everything all at once. All the pain, the memories, his face, his smile, his eyes looking at him, only him.</p>
<p>Because it hurts so much.</p>
<p>And he wanted to go back, back to that day, and stop him from all this craziness. Hug him tight, tell him not to go. Because they’ll fix everything up, no matter how hard.</p>
<p>They could make it work.</p>
<p>He doesn’t have to be afraid. Because he will be there for him.</p>
<p>They can make it work.</p>
<p>Everything will be alright, and those eyes would never lose their light again.</p>
<p>With shaking hands, he dialed the number scribbled at the bottom of the page.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, he calmed his shaking form.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Then, when you write a movie someday, I’ll write the theme song for you.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m…doing this movie,” he chuckled.</p>
<p>He didn’t care how much he sounded so broken at that point.</p>
<p>“Would you want to write the theme song for me?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm still crying, after watching the movie. It wasn't the best per se, but the ending is everything. Some people doesn't like. I think it's beautiful. Haysssssssss I can't get over it!</p>
<p>Aish tsk and so that's why I ended up writing this lmao. I still can't get over it! I can't!</p>
<p>Anyway, tell me your thoughts about this. I'll be happy to read your comments as always! 💚</p></blockquote></div></div>
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